Trump supporters: you broke our hearts, give us a second on forgiveness

The CNN video headline couldn’t get more clear:

“Teacher: Voting for Trump may have signed my death warrant”

About a week ago, Nancy Shively, a teacher from Oklahoma got national media coverage after writing an op-ed for making that headline’s claim in writing and talking about switching her party and her Trump supporting allegiance. Her op-ed focuses on her concerns for teacher and personal safety in returning to the classroom in the midst of an uncontrolled domestic pandemic.

But there was one part of the exchange that has been nagging at me for a week now. Here’s that transcript:

Interviewer: “In this environment when folks stick their necks out [about changing their support for Trump] and make comments like this about this president they’re often attacked. What’s the reaction been to writing this op-ed?”

Nancy Shively: “Well, it’s been interesting. I’ve not been attacked so much by Trump supporters as I have by liberals and Never Trumpers who..um.. highly critical that I didn’t see it before is mostly what they’re saying. Um… and .. I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t and I should have been. There were a lot of reasons for that and I should have been, and I regret that obviously now but I’m trying to take responsibility for that and own it publicly.”

I had two reactions to this brief, simple exchange and it’s taken me some time to unpack them both. I’m still processing the feelings of frustration, anger…and heartbreak.

Quite simply, my reaction and my feelings were simpler than I first realized: I’m not sure I’m ready to forgive Trump voters/supporters, even those who’ve realized the error of their ways.

Before I get to that forgiveness element, let me first talk about the frustration, confusion, and anger elements.

Frustration

While I was watching the interview in real time, my initial reaction was deep frustration with these “liberals” she’s talking about. With the liberals who reacted with some version of “well it’s about damn time!” With liberals who were more mad that it took so long than happy she finally showed up on this side of the picketing line. With myself for having all those same feelings.

There’s nothing quite like a righteously indignant liberal to ensure that even the most just cause falls flat on its face. Come on fellow progressives! Let the Trump supports who’ve seen the error of their ways join the righteous cause! Let them come over this side of the fence without undue harm, for crying out loud!

Confusion

“I didn’t see it before”… this is the common refrain from Trump supporters. How could we have known he’s a terrible person? A fraudulent business person? A serial liar? A serial cheat (in all the ways)? A bully? A jerk? (I’d take time to find links for each one of these, but really… who cares? We all know these things are true and either you agree and care or agree and don’t care, so I’m not going to waste the time)

I honestly can’t understand how anyone can look at the 2016 election process, look at any of the data and history on Trump (as a man, a father, a business person, a human), look at any of the last 4 years and think “yep, he’s solid”. I can’t wrap my mind around it.

I’ve had multiple Trump supporting friends tell me that Trump’s not a role model, not a great leader, not someone they aspire to, but because he’s delivering those judges they like, defending against abortion, and improving their 401k, they’re willing to overlook just about any moral depravity and horrid behavior that conflicts with their evangelical/Christian/Republican/personal principles. I honestly don’t get how this is OK. If it was literally any other human alive, this wouldn’t fly. Why does Trump get a pass?

Anger

Watching Shively answer the interviewer’s question, snide undertones in her voice, ultimately just made me mad. The tinge of irritation in her voice that liiiiiberals and Never Trumpers were challenging her and her decision to pull her Trump support just pissed me off.

And while I’m glad she’s found the light, and is ready to make amends, she still voted for a monster and that monster is still president. That same president is the one who she’s writing op-eds about “signing her death warrant”. Any rational, thinking person knew this was coming. Trump The Politician created himself on birtherism, kicked off his campaign on racism, and made claims about building a wall that Mexico would pay for. He said he alone could (and would) solve all the problems in the country. He hasn’t. He’s turned the White House into a campaign office and the Coronavirus Daily Briefings into campaign rallies. He lied his face off during the campaign, he lied his face off every day since. This was visible. You could have seen it if you wanted to see it. You didn’t want to see it.

Our country didn’t push masks as an effective COVID deterrent because our narcissistic president wears makeup. We didn’t push the effectiveness of healthy eating against COVID because our narcissistic president is overweight. We can’t be honest about what’s happening in this domestic pandemic so that people will take it seriously because our narcissistic president doesn’t want to look like he’s performing poorly.

And because the Senate, the government sycophants, and half the country has rallied to support this monster’s narcissistic nonsense, teachers, parents, and students are forced to figure out how to safely return to classrooms and/or deal with terrible online learning situations. All while the president and his lackey’s make claims about how we’re all resisting returning to the classroom because we want the economy to fail so he’ll lose the election.

And while so many Trump voters have tried, as this woman has, to excuse their 2016 vote for this monster by attaching the word “reluctant” to their “Trump voter” status, where have they been the last four years? Have they been holding him to account? Hold their Republican Senators and Congresspeople to account? Marching against his behaviors? Nope. Only when it affected them personally did they decide it was time to speak out.

So yeah, it’s not easy to welcome Trump voters and supports to this side with open arms. Which leads me to my last point…

Forgiveness

In the week since I first watched that interview, what I realized I was actually struggling with was how to forgive this woman and the few people like her. (Because there doesn’t seem to be that many people raising their hands to admit they were wrong in voting for Trump)

Forgiveness seems like an odd concept here, but it’s the most accurate one.

In the last four years, Trump supports have broken my heart day after day. They’ve watched a terrible human do terrible things and mostly remained quiet at best, cheered him on at worst. They watched him make fun of the disabled, refused to take stands against racism, hatred, misogyny, level racism and misogyny himself, sully the office of the president, undo valuable and important legislation for no reason other than “Obama did it so it must go” or to help business make more money at the expense of our children’s future health or natural resources just to name a few. They’ve made excuse after excuse after excuse for his horrid behavior. Just like clockwork, the President of the United States retweets someone saying that “Democratic cities” should be left to rot” (yeah, that really happened) and legions of his cult-like followers explain away why that’s perfectly acceptable behavior and thousands sit quietly by.

He’s lied, he’s twisted, he’s cheated, and he’s made a mockery of people and institutions trying to do good in the world. He’s isolated us in the world and made us a laughing stock to the rest of the world that looked to us as an example. His supporters, even those “reluctant Trump voters” have said and done nearly nothing.

Until… it impacted them personally.

This teacher was fine to vote for Trump, even (as she claims) reluctantly, until it impacted her.

I’m glad she’s come around, and I’m happy to welcome her to the resistance. But just because you confess you aren’t granted an immediate and full pardon. Even Roger Stone had to wait a while, and even he didn’t get a full pardon.

I’ve watched friends, family, co-workers put on those goddamn red MAGA hats, I’ve heard them talk about “owning liberals” like it’s the best feeling in the world and the thing that matters in the long term political landscape. I’ve heard them call AOC names that would curl your toes. I’ve heard an endless stream of anti-Hillary nonsense that comes with little data and lots of Fox News bullshit. And worst of all, I’ve heard “liberal” used as a dirty word from people I care about until I remind them that I’m a liberal. And even then, they just try to explain that they didn’t mean me when they said that… they just meant those other terrible people (the other half of the country, the ones in Palin’s non-America America, I guess).

And I watched the President of the United States talk about cutting through protestors “like butter”. Multiple times. I’ve watched him tear gas non-violent protestors with little warning just to hold up a bible on TV. I’ve seen him send unbadged federal troops in unmarked rented minivans to snatch people off the streets as fear tactics to stop Constitutionally protected protests. And we knew this is what he would do when he was nominated. We knew it. Half the country told the other half on election night it was coming.

This country has broken my heart these last four years. Trump has brought out the worst in all of us for his own personal gain. It’ll be a while before I’m ready to forgive the people who put Trump in power and who have supported his actions along the way.

I welcome those who have seen Donald Trump for monster he is and decided to do something about it. I’m truly happy you’ve seen the light and come around. Truly.

But if you’re doing it to get praise, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. If you’ve honestly realized the error of your ways, then you’ll understand why so many of us liberals might need a minute to heal and find forgiveness and remember who you are before we can embrace you with compassion for what you are going through.

We’re going through something on our own right now.